Pulling Mussels (From the Shell)
(Difford/Tilbrook)
They do it down on Camber Sands
They do it at Waikiki
Lazing about the beach all day
At night the cricket’s creepy
Squinting faces at the sky
A Harold Robbins paperback
Surfers drop their boards and dry
And everybody wants a hat
Shrinking in the sea so cold
Topless ladies look away
A he-man in a sudden shower
Shelters from the rain
You wish you had a motor boat
To pose around the harbour bar
And when the sun goes off to bed
You hook it up behind the car
Two fat ladies window shop
Something for the mantelpiece
In for bingo all the nines
A panda for sweet little niece
The coach drivers stand about
Looking at a local map
About the boy he’s gone away
Down to next door’s caravan
But behind the chalet
My holiday’s complete
And I feel like William Tell
Maid Marian on her tiptoed feet
Pulling mussels from a shell
I never understood the line: In for bingo all the nines.
The phrase ‘In for bingo’ is referring to the two ladies in the song going to play bingo – the popular game of chance where you mark numbers which are called out by a ‘caller’ onto a card you have bought in a bingo hall. It’s also a playful reference to the ‘two fat ladies’ in the verse as bingo callers routinely used nicknames for the numbers (from 1 to 90) to make sure people didn’t mistake (for example) 13 for 30 in a noisy hall. 13 would be called as “Unlucky for some, 13″ and 30 would be called out as “Burlington Bertie, 30″ so make sure people didn’t mark off the wrong number. Two fat ladies is the bingo caller’s visual joke nickname for 88, “Two fat ladies, 88.”
“All the nines” seems to me to be a Chris Difford mistake as bingo numbers only go up to 90 (in the UK at least). “All the sixes, 66″ is used, and “All the sevens, 77″ is used but it’s not possible to call all the nines as 99 is too high a number for a bingo ball. Perhaps it should really be “All the eights.”
The other ‘oddity’ in the lyric is that William Tell and Maid Marian had nothing to do with one another. William Tell was a Swiss man who legend has it shot an apple off his son’s head to save their lives. Maid Marian became Robin Hood’s companion in English folklore centuries later.
The two fat ladies are wanting to play bingo? 88 is two fat ladies in bingo though! I am confused now myself! Love the song so much I even got the t-shirt commemorating it at the last tour :)
Yeah, that “all the nines” confuses me but I went with it because it sounds good :) Thank you! x