Vauxhall Diva

Vauxhall Diva
(Difford/Hewerdine)

He was everywhere
Like a bad smell
He was the one coin
In the wishing well
Who you could never wish away
He was a flapping fish
Who never got away
But he was fast with his licks
With his balls between two bricks

He was a dreamer
And a schemer
A make believer
A tapestry weaver
The Vauxhall Diva
You should have seen her
You wouldn’t believe her
He would never leave her
The Vauxhall Diva

He demanded things
In the dressing room fridge
He would sing out of tune
And mess up the bridge
He had a hat with a bell on
He had a fancy name
But he was really called Kevin
He was hippy, Biba and sheik
He had a ten pound note up his beak

He was a dreamer
And a schemer
A make believer
A tapestry weaver
The Vauxhall Diva
You should have seen her
You wouldn’t believe her
He would never leave her
The Vauxhall Diva

He stood on stage
Like the queen of all tarts
His one party trick
Was to light his own farts
He left the band
For Yoga and Zen
Now he’s back in the frame
With his dodgy girlfriend

He was a dreamer
And a schemer
A make believer
A tapestry weaver
The Vauxhall Diva
You should have seen her
You wouldn’t believe her
He would never leave her
The Vauxhall